


In My Dreams

by Tayani



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Probably ooc, a bit - Freeform, fluffiest fluff, hospitalized Izaya, who am I even kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:05:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tayani/pseuds/Tayani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo hated that flea. And Izaya hated that beast. But what would happen if suddenly Izaya would find himself in a hospital, in coma, and Shizuo would find it strangely difficult to hate him anymore?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Human under bruises

Izaya was confused. He was feeling dizzy, for some reason, and couldn't think stright. That has never happened before, in his entire life. He was Izaya, the best informant in the whole Tokyo, if not the world. He knew everything and everyone, he was like a god for those silly little humans he claimed to love so much. Yet, sharp as he was, he realised there was something wrong. With him. And the entire situation. He felt fever in his body, his heart was beating too fast. He was positive that there was some kind of poison involved, too.

It all has started some hour... - no, maybe half an hour before. He was eating ootoro – God, that was delicious – and then, and then... Ah yes, there was a special piece Simon claimed to be extremely spicy, and he made a bet with some other guys in Russian Sushi that Izaya would not be able to eat it. And Izaya was certainly going to prove him wrong.

He ate it, and it WAS spicy as hell, and then one of those cheering men gave him a bottle of water...

Crap!

That was it! He couldn't believe he was so stupid! He let them drug himself! More, he has happily said thanks to that bastard! Oh, they're going to regret this...

"Oya, oya... If it isn't Orihara Izaya- _sama..._ " The voice was ordinary and stupid, and Izaya was hating every single sound of it. Also, the honorific was said in such a sarcastic manner, he was nearly 99,7% sure that was the person who drugged him. He smiled, though, taking his knife in hand.

"Now, now, Izaya- _sama_ , aren't you a little too eager to fight? You know, I've got a back up here..." there were others. He could see them. Twelve... no, fourteen. They made a circle around him, and he knew already that he didn't stand a chance.

So he threw his beloved knife, and as it delved into leaders chest, and as his head was meeting the first angry hit from others, he was able to think just one thought:

" _Fourteen of them... And for just one man, drugged, on a top of that. What a disgusting band of cowards..."_

And then everything faded to black.

* * *

"Fuck."

Waking up with such a word as a first thought in the morning was certainly considered as a deadly sin somewhere. Not that he minded.

His head was spinning; blond locks disheveled; his clothes twisted. That was freakin' three o'clock in the morning, and he'd just got back from work. And. He Was. Sleepy.

_Ring, ring, ring._

That merry little tune again, that was the thing that dared to wake him up. He tried his best not to throw the blasted cell phone away.

"Yes."

"Shizuo-kun, you're certainly in a bad mood. Sorry for waking you up."

"Shinra, it better be something important, or you can tell Celty that there is going to be another head missing in the Ikebukuro." he was so annoyed. It was just the doctor. Not that he didn't like him in a way; he was kind of a friend. But that was definitely too early for friendship at that hour.

"Shizuo-kun, I know it's not the best time for waking up, but that's an emergency. Izaya-kun is in a hospital."

Shizuo was startled. He was so annoyed at the beginning of conversation that he failed to notice just how concerned Shinra sound. But, all that aside, he couldn't care less.

"Shinra, you know perfectly well that I'm not in any way interested in that pest's health. Thanks for calling."

"Shizuo-kun, wait. I know you don't really like each other, but you should show at least a little bit of compassion. He was nearly killed back then, his condition is really bad; they didn't let me examine his body properly, but I think he's on the edge of death, and..."

"Killed?" Shizuo interrupted. Not that he was concerned, but HE was the one that should have killed Izaya. The thought of someone practically _stealing_ that position, that status from him was definitely frustrating.

Shinra sighed, "Yes. Killed. It looks like some gang managed to drug Izaya-kun and beat, as you like to say, the shit out of him. He has some injuries on his head, as well, and his body seems to..." Shizuo stopped listening. He hung up the conversation and sat on his bed, wondering. Maybe he really should pay a visit to that hospital? That pest was apparently knocked out, so he would be able to control himself. Besides, he wondered if Izaya's condition was really that bad. What if he dies? That would be definitely not good in some way – Shizuo couldn't really catch it why _exactly_ , but... Anyway, he definitely has to go to hospital. Beaten Izaya – that should be something worth seeing. And apart from these sadistic, in some way, thoughts, Shizuo found himself quite... worried? No, no, he was not worried, why should he be?

"Anyway," said Shizuo to his empty apartment, - "first, I'm going to get some freakin' sleep."

* * *

_It was black. And empty. And lonely. And sad._

_He was somewhat immobile, couldn't move, but at the same time didn't feel the need to do so._

_He was aware of somebody's presence, but they, whoever they were, seemed to be so far away, he didn't really care._

_He couldn't hear them._

_He couldn't see them._

_As if they were behind some kind of a wall, or on the other side of a big lake of darkness._

_They couldn't make the feeling of emptiness disappear._

_There were also some pictures; floating around, just so far he couldn't see them. He was just feeling them, the pictures of some things he couldn't quite recall._

_And words; words he could not hear, different from the irritating noise the others were making. The words, he somehow knew, were his own, but they were so cruel and unpleasant; he couldn't understand their meaning._

_It was black. And empty. And lonely..._

* * *

Shizuo asked himself the same question, over and over again. What the fuck was he doing here? In this hospital, going with Shinra and Celty to see his nemesis? What was he, a good Samaritan? But the urge to see, to confirm yesterday's (well, technically today's) news with his own eyes was too big. And, besides that, he wasn't working today, so that was at least some way to pass his boring free time.

Or so he was saying to himself.

Celty and Shinra were definitely concerned and somewhat sad. He could tell by the way Shinra seemed to lost his eternal smile and how Celty was playing with her cell, trying to keep her hands occupied.

Well, they both were some kind of friends to that pest, he thought. Of course they would be sad after such an accident.

They finally arrived to the door of Izaya's place. They couldn't go in, so they quietly proceeded to big, glassed panel on the door. From that point, they could see Izaya.

Well, the person that was once known as Izaya.

Shizuo was... He was... He couldn't find a word to describe his feelings. He was surprised, perplexed, scared... He was definitely feeling weird.

Because Izaya he saw wasn't the person he has known for such a long time.

He was all covered in bandages, he had his left leg and right arm in a plaster cast, his limbs were connected with all sorts of complicated devices. He also had a bandage around his head, it's white color fighting with aggressive black of his hair.

But what most worried Shizuo was not his body, not his bandages or injuries, but the look he had on his face.

Because his face was pale, and blank. There was no sarcastic smile, no real _features_ on it; it was exactly as if he's been already dead.

Celty and Shinra were looking at him cautiously, as if scared that he would break through the door and try to beat the flea. He looked at them, reassuringly.

"I'm not going to kill him, you know; I'm not interested in finishing somebody's dirty work. Besides, he's already almost dead."

And, curious enough, that wasn't in any way what Shizuo wanted to see at the moment. Izaya on the bed was so... _harmless._ As if his cruelty, his sarcasm and ego were vanished away, lost in that nightmarish white room. No longer untouchable, he seemed only as a thin and gravely injured human being. Shizuo found out that he didn't feel the urge to kill he felt every time before; he was feeling pity, and just it. The person on the bed no longer required his anger.

He was beaten up.

He was broken.

He, surprisingly, was a human.

Shizuo wasn't sure why, but after the first visit, he was constantly coming back to hospital, to the room 55. He visited at midnight, when other patients were long asleep, and nobody could see him. That became part of his daily routine: he would enter through the back, go straight to Izaya's room and spend few hours just watching. He didn't know why, but only standing there, with his hand on the glass and watching that sleeping face was somewhat comforting. And then he would go back and continue his life as if nothing happened.

But he was changing, he could feel it. There wasn't so much anger in him, not towards Izaya, at least. He was quite enjoying these moments of quiet watching that unchangeable face.

And he has got a sneaking suspicion that change was starting to slip out of his control. What he didn't know was that it was already too late for that thought.


	2. Our little conversations

On the second week of Izaya's coma, they were finally able to go into the room. His injuries were healing surprisingly well, even his broken limbs were going to be able to move in just few days. Slowly, but constantly, he was again becoming his normal self. With one exception. Doctors were not able to wake him up. He was in deep coma, nobody could predict how long it would last.

Shizuo was still coming every night, much to his own surprise. But, today was the first day he was able to actually _visit_ his ex-nemesis. He halted in front of the door, his hand shaking slightly above the handle. And then he went in, sitting next to unconscious Izaya, watching, always watching.

"You don't look good in your sleep, you know? That innocent look doesn't suit you at all. It annoys me, actually. You're far better as your usual self; I at least can throw anything I please on you, without feeling guilty." Shizuo said, almost unaware that he was talking out loud his thoughts. "I wonder why I keep coming here every night. This is probably one of your plans, ne, Izaya? Making me feel all weird, maybe even making me care... I don't know if that would work up for you, really. Shinra is calling me every few hours, babbling about how should I visit you more often; he doesn't know I'm visiting you even more than him, of course. Yesterday he was all alarmed because the doctors said they couldn't do anything more for you, and we just have to wait 'till you wake up by yourself... He's such a pain when he's worried, really." Shizuo halted, studying nonexistent expression on the other's face, "Oi, you really should wake up already. It seems that Ikebukuro is just too quiet without anyone to throw refrigerator at anymore." Shizuo sighed, finally realizing what was that he just said. He stood up and walked out of the room, feeling all stupid and weird, thinking how naturally he started to talk to his enemy as if to a friend.

* * *

"You still haven't woken up. I'm actually happy you can't hear me, because if you'd know how much trouble your coma costs me, you would probably stay like that forever, just for fun of seeing me in such a distress. Really, Shinra is definitely overprotective, but now it's not just him. Celty's all worried, too. I can even tell by the way her smoke is floating when she haven't got her helmet. I guess you'd be surprised how many friends you have now, when you're injured and unconscious. They probably don't even want you to know; maybe they're scared that you'd use them in some way if you'd know. But really, near your bed there are so many cards and presents. Do you want me to tell you what it is? Well, there are some manga books; I can see one titled "Kuroshitsuji", the person on the cover looks a little bit like you, with that devilish smirk. I guess the mangas are from Erika and Walker. And there are some cards "Be healthy soon" made from sushi leaflets – I bet they're from Simon. And also, of course, some other little gifts such as sweets (I don't really think you like them that much) or giftcards for ootoro in Russian Sushi (these I'm sure you'll be happy to use).

You haven't got any presents from me; I'm not that of empathic kind of a person. Be happy I'm wasting my precious time talking with you. Well, as I think of it, I quite like these conversations; I can at least speak my mind. And you're a good listener; probably because you don't listen at all, but somehow that isn't as annoying as talking with other people. Even so, I think you should wake up soon, pest. It's too quiet, and whole Ikebukuro is wondering what has happened to you."

* * *

"You're moving tomorrow. Celty send me a message that they're going to move you to another room, for it doesn't seem you're going to wake up soon. Your new number is 73. Another staircase up, holy shit, are they trying to make me angry? I'm becoming sick of this whole hospital, really. How anyone can get better in these sickly white walls? And the smell is annoying, too. It smells of medicine, and soap, and something chemical. I think the facility where you're meant to get better should smell of live, something fresh and connected with living things, not with science, don't you think? And that whiteness, even in your black hairs they put that freakin' white bandage. It doesn't suit you, at all." Shizuo looked at Izaya, wondering if anything he's been saying is in any way registered by unconscious man. He hoped not. But, as he started to think of Izaya's hairs, he was wondering if it wasn't a good idea to take that annoying cloth off of his head. He heard Shinra saying that Izaya's injuries weren't that bad anymore, most of them cured or in process of healing, so it probably wouldn't hurt to try. And, for some reason, Shizuo wanted to see that face crowned in dark, soft lock, without white disturbance. As he delicately freed his head from bandage, his fingers started to unconsciously caress that face, soft, porcelain skin and silken strands of hair. For the first time in his life, Shizuo was _touching_ Izaya not to kill him, or hurt him, but as someone dear to him, with soft, almost unnoticeable caress. Not as an enemy, but a fellow human.

He sighed, clearing his mind and walking out of a room. There would be nothing good for him if he were to stop treating Izaya as an enemy. That should not be happening. And he didn't think it would change anything anyway. Even if he would start to like informant, Izaya would hate him as always from the very moment he'd open his eyes.

So he should just give up at the beginning. All he could do right now was watching his sleeping... arch-nemesis? enemy? or maybe... already someone else?

* * *

_It was dark. As always. But somehow, someway, he could sense that it was almost the time for sun to rise. Not a sun he had known before that... state he was currently in, but rather... some light in general._

_It was there, few times already, and strangely enough, in this place without time nor space, he was sure that the light was coming in some kind of routine, as if at the same hour._

_He could sense the presence of somebody behind...- no,_ inside _the light. That person was also talking. He couldn't really make out words from it, but the person's talk was always so long and soft and..._ heartwarming. _He was always happy to hear it. He wanted to hear it. And every time he heard it, he wanted to join the conversation, to talk, to smile, to laugh with that person, that sun of his own dark and empty world. He wanted to go into the light._

_Once, he was sure the light was particularly strong, he could feel something akin to wind on his face, and he craved for this feeling. He also, just for a short while, were able to see a flecks of gold, as if somebody was holding an amber up, and looking through it in the face of sun._

_He wanted to see more of that amber, hear more of that sweet voice, echoing through his veins, calling, maybe... maybe even calling his name?_

_And, with that feelings of light, sun, sweetness and tenderness, he was ready to leave that dark world; he was ready to open his eyes, to fight with his inner mind for every single speck of light._

Orihara Izaya was ready to wake up.


	3. Open wide

Next week was busy for Shizuo. He couldn't even continue his visits in hospital – well, he'd probably been able to find some time, but after the last visit, he wasn't sure if he really want it to last. World with Izaya without the "pest", or "flea" title beside the name was for Shizuo too twisted to even think of it. Besides, he was working, and he certainly had better things to do than sitting near the unconscious man.

"So can you, please, explain what _exactly_ am I doing here right now?" said blonde, who was currently staying in front of the hospital. It was midnight, fourth day after the last visit.

He wandered through well-known halls, searching for Izaya's new room. When he found it already, Shizuo with hesitation entered and sat, as usual, near the unconscious man.

He would not admit how happy he was that he could see him again.

He would not admit how happy he was that he could see his raven hairs, without the bandage around his head.

He would not admit how much he missed him.

He...

He would not...

"I missed you. Oh God, Izaya, I can't believe I'm saying this. What have you done to me?"

* * *

_It was dark. So dark. His sun was gone, just at the moment he really was craving to see it so much; to welcome it with eyes open wide._

_And now it was gone. Why? He couldn't understand. Was it something he'd done? Maybe that sun, that person so strange to him, but dear at the same time, didn't want to end that dark slumber of his?_

_Why, why, why?_

_He was falling. Deeper and deeper, through the tunnel of sad, depressing thoughts he didn't like. Not that he cared anymore. The sun put some live in that empty world, showed him just how empty, no, how EMPTY it is, and now it's gone, leaving him without hope, helpless and hurt._

_He wanted to see it once more. That beautiful, golden specks of light; he wanted to see. He craved for it so badly, he even at some point thought that they were actually there, but... No... That couldn't be true. And then the voice echoed in his mind, the voice he didn't know, tender and soft voice he... loved?_

" _I missed you... Izaya..."_

* * *

"I was trying to stop coming here, you know. I thought that was a good idea, and easy to accomplish one on top of that. But it seems different. I couldn't just leave you, Izaya. I caught myself on thinking of you during work, and believe me, these weren't my usual thoughts about "how to kill that damn pest", but rather "I wonder if he's alright... if he'd woken up yet...". That's pretty annoying, you know. Was that your plan? I can't deny, I care for you now, Izaya. How about you? Oh, wake up already! I just know that when you'd wake up you'd been the same old jerk you were before, and I would finally be able to treat you normally. Really, the scary part is that I don't even know if I really, truly want it, either way. Congratulations, Izaya, you got me framed."

* * *

_His name... He was calling his name! That was... He was... He wanted to answer, to wake up, to see, to touch..._

_But what if, what if the voice, the person in the light would vanish once more? He immediately confined himself in the darkness, deeper, safe._

_He didn't want to get hurt anymore._

_The light was getting brighter, and brighter with every minute. And it was getting warmer, too. He could make out some words, sweet, unbelievable words from his sun's quiet talk._

" _I couldn't leave you, Izaya... I care... Izaya... wake up... wake up..."_

_His name... It was so amazing, hearing his own name from this voice. He was so happy. How can a man fall in love with just a voice? Why these words make him tremble, make him want to go to the light, to touch, kiss, caress the person talking?_

* * *

„I was thinking about what has happened to me. And I don't think it's the worst that I was able to see you being so human, and thus become unable to hate you anymore. But that's not a bad thing only when you're in coma, and now, when I'm caring about you, I can't really wish for you not to wake up. So, in short I want and don't want you to get better in the same time. Crazy, ne? Well, I always was a sucker in private philosophy, can't deny that.

You look so peaceful in your sleep. That damn smirk is washed away from your face; as I recall it now, I've never actually seen you smiling. That's a shame. Can you even smile? I wonder. You're always wearing a mask, maybe because of it, you're not able to show your true feelings anymore?

Your sisters came to me today. They wanted to ask if I know anything new about your condition. Even they. Celty bought you some flowers. Kadota and co. came visit. Even Namie-san. Although I heard that she wanted to do something to you, as she claimed, by accident. I'm not so sure, though. What can you do _by accident_ with a knife? Good thing that Simon was there.

Do you care about them at all? Are they only pawns in your wicked game? And what am I, then?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya with a long glance. He was studying his blank expression, his midnight-black hairs, his long eyelashes, straight nose, porcelain skin and thin, lightly-pink lips. The informant was lying, unmoved, lost in the whiteness of hospital's cloths. He looks so helpless – thought Shizuo, his hand started to unconsciouslycaress that face. Pulling himself closer, he captured Izaya in a soft, delicate hug. The informant, if he'd only been conscious, would never expect the infamous beast of Ikebukuro to be able to act with such tenderness. It was even amazing for Shizuo himself, but as he felt the other's man warm body near his, fitting swiftly in his arms, he has not been able to think anymore, staying like that, not even daring to move. Not even daring to breathe from the terrifying thought of losing that heat, breaking that spell.

* * *

_It wasn't warm anymore; now it was hot. No that he mind, really. He was more than happy to lay in that heat, hearing to his sun's sweet talk, although he couldn't make out words from it anymore. He started to wake up; the outside world was becoming more and more solid, but he couldn't open his eyes, or smell, or feel. He was feeling a bit like a thinking doll, aware, that he's already conscious, but without the power to move._

_And then, he felt hands... This person's hands, were caressing his face, he could feel it just barely, but, oh my God, the pleasure he felt from that touch! The light, gold, shimmering amber has enveloped him, and he understood that what once was a featherlike touches now became a tender hug._

_Wake up! He screamed at his annoying, immobile body. Open your eyes! I want to see that person!_

_But his eyes would remain shut, and then, to his despair, strong arms has left his body, leaving only a quickly fading feeling of heat._

„ _Izaya..."_

_He heard it. He heard that voice, soft, whispering voice he somehow knew..._

_The name. That person has a name._

* * *

Shizuo let the informant go from his hug, studying his face again. After so many nights of watching, he could certainly saw some change in it. There was only one explanation. Izaya was waking up.

„Izaya..." he said, hesitation clear in his voice. Then, as if in realization, he smiled, but there was no happiness in his smile. He let his fingers dance once more across that face and hairs.

„You're waking up, ne? Well, it's not that I'm practically surprised. You slept far too long for your standards." Shizuo was perplexed, though, as he felt some moisture falling down his cheek. Pull yourself together, he thought.

„And I guess it's time for me to leave now, before you'll be awake and able to grasp your damn knive, right?" he said, smiling bitterly again, and stood up, heading for the door. He stopped, though, as he heard some little ruffling, and looked over his shoulder to see one of Izaya's hands grasping desperatly on the cloth beneath.

He didn't know how this happened, but in a second after he was holding the informator, pressing their lips together in a gentle, sad kiss. Izaya's lips were so amazingly soft, almost silken. He could feel informators hot breath through them, and his little gasp that told him he should stop, if he really intended to leave before Izaya would wake up.

With one last nip on the other's forehead, he strighten himself and marched out of the door, not looking behind.

In the room, Izaya was laying quietly where he left him, his trembling fingers moving angrily, trying to remember how to control the body. And then, as he opened his crimson red eyes, happy, and eager to see the person whose kiss, as in some fairy tale, woke him up, he noticed three things.

It was dark. And empty. And lonely.

But, on the contrary to darkness, emptiness and loneliness he has known from before, right now his eyes were wide open.


	4. Research

"Izaya!"

He was sitting in his hospital bed, watching two new visitors that came by. His face was already looking more as a human, not paper one. Instead of once stone-like features, his Cheashire smirk was firm on his lips, crimson eyes flickering in amusement.

"Shinra, from the fact that I'm still alive and not cut into pieces, I'm guessing that they didn't allow you being a doctor in charge of me."

"I was going to examine you right away, but it seems you're your normal self, no doubt about that."

"Oya, Shinra, that sarcasm in your voise is really hurting me, you know~ And when I'm still in a hospital, and needing care and understanding~" He said in a teasing tone. He wanted to add something, however, was suddenly cut by two arms enclosing him into a hug. He gasped in surprise. He knew she was weak, emphathic kind of a person, but he didn't expect such behaviour from infamous Black Biker.

"She wasworried about you, you know. We all were."

Izaya started to wonder if Shinra's words were really true. Even from his current position he could see gifts, little things of little use and no meaning to him. Could it be that he was presented with them because of someone's care? Anyway, he was starting to feel uncomfortable. Celty was still hugging him, in an awkward position, and if not for a fun in observing Shinra's annoyed expression, he would shove her right away. Eventually she let him go and strightened up, staying by doctor's side.

"Nah, don't tell me stories, Shinra. I can think of quite a big amount of people who would be delighted by my death. Starting with our Shizu-chan, of course."

Shinra looked nervously at Celty, who just shrugged and took her cell phone in hand.

[Well, Shizuo was there, you know. And you're still alive, so I consider it as a prove you were mistaken in your statement.]

Izaya looked at her, his smirk slightly smaller, "You let Shizu-chan in there? When I was unconscious?"

Shinra swallowed hard, "Well, you were in coma and nobody was able to wake you up, so..."

"So you thought it's the best idea ever taking here that beast. And that I'd for sure wake up if he'd kill me. Really, Shinra, I'm starting to doubt if you're competent as a doctor."

Shinra shrugged, "First, as you've stated before, I'm not _your_ doctor. Second, you're still breathing and talking, so I guess we can safely state that you're still alive. And third, the more people you know is visiting you, the more probable is you waking up from coma."

[Besides,] wrote Celty, her fingers quickly pressing buttons, [he said he would not hit you as you were, almost dying. And, putting that aside, how could that happen? It's quite unusual for you to get beaten so badly...]

Izaya twitched, she's got stright to the point. He woken up just four hours ago, and wasn't even sure what exactly has happened. Whatever it was, sharp as he is, he realised that would be bad thing for his reputation.

"How should I know? And, what's with all that 'for you' thing? I'm not some God, you know, even if you think I am, Celty."

She shrugged, knowing full well that now he's annoyed, then wrote something to Shinra.

"Are you sure we should tell him that right now? He has just woken up..."

Celty shrugged again, starting to write. Then she showed Izaya just one sentence.

[Are you going to have your revange on that gang who's beaten you?]

Izaya looked at her, amused. Well, truth be told, he hadn't thought of that yet. There were... other things he was worried about.

"Guess I am. Why?" he said, perfectly masking his true feelings.

[Well...] she looked quite nervous, [I'm just asking, because few days ago they were found in a sewer, beaten even worse than you. I guess few of them will be dead by now.]

Izaya swallowed hard. Could it be? No way...

"Do you know who did this, by any chance?"

"Heh," smirked Shinra, looking at him with a warm glance "What do you think, Izaya-kun? Ikebukuro. I told you. Everyone were worried about you."

They didn't stay long after that, and when he was alone again, he started to think about something weird that was constantly occupying his mind during this past few hours of consciousness. The matter was, he knew exactly, despite all the lies he told his doctors and Shinra earlier, what was that woke him up so suddenly.

As he was sure nobody is in his room, he leaned on his pillows, trying to find comfortable position. He remembered everything. He remembered the time of darkness, and that sudden presence of light in his lonely world behind eyelids. And then, he remembered that the light was gone, and back, as if in some routine. Now that was making sense; nobody would be able to sit here all the time. After that, there was some longer period of darkness, and then the light was back, stronger and brighter than ever, and he felt arms on him, strong, yet gentle arms pulling him into a hug.

And then...

Well, spit it out, he said to himself. And then he started to wake up, he felt _a kiss_ and opened his eyes, alone.

As if some pitiful teenager in cheap TV drama.

Oh well. The real thing is, he was troubled by the way he kept thinking about that person, and he couldn't seem to stop. He was Izaya, for God's sake, he shouldn't be so... so...

 _You wanted to say 'in love', didn't you?_ stated quiet, smirking voice in the back of his head. But how could it be true? He was never in love before; he didn't even know how that whole 'love' thing looks like.

And if he didn't know something, that was a disaster.

Well, well, putting that aside, he was positive he have to find that person. For fun, of course. Plus, he could have some informations from that.

So... Who would we like to find?

The voice, that was the key. Izaya was positive it was a men talking. Strangely enough, he haven't felt very bad with that. True, he never considered himself as a gay, but all in all, he never considered himself even as a men who can be appealed by a women, too. So, that person is _he._

Next, the voice was kind, and gentle. That one he was sure. Not any person can speak that softly. It have to be someone good, delicate. And, he probably is pretty talkative: Izaya spent long hours listening to that voice, right?

Now, as he thinks of it, it also had to be somebody he knew. He couldn't really recall it now, but he sounded really familiar.

Yeah, thought Izaya. Just you wait, sunny. I'm going to find you, as soon as I'll be able to get out of this hospital and lay my fingers on computer and cell phone. Just you wait.

Of course, Orihara Izaya couldn't even predict how wrong he was.


	5. So near, yet so far away

_He was back in his familiar darkness, but not the dreamless one from hospital; no, that was his normal, relaxing slumber._

_Although this time, he wasn't alone._

_He could feel somebody's presence, and even without these characteristic specks of golden light, he could tell already who it was._

_He couldn't hear the voice this time; his sun was quiet, but he felt him smiling. It was as if he was inside the gigantic amber; warm, and gold, and light, and him._

_And then, he felt lips on his own, delicate, sweet kiss. He quickly thought that this has to be his memory from hospital, and in just a while he's going to wake up, irritated and lost, alone again._

_But he didn't. On the contrary, now he felt something else; soft caress, a hand, first on his cheek, then his neck, chest, touching, loving._

_He let out a little gasp when the lips left his, and traveled through his jaw, nipping lightly. The hand was getting more bold, now coming far down to his abdomen, playing a little with his bellybutton, making him arch into the touch and moan from pleasure quietly._

_And then... and then..._

Ring, ring, ring.

...he woke up.

* * *

Orihara Izaya was annoyed.

No. He was pissed of.

How could it be that he hasn't found him yet? How? He checked everyone. First with all categories he managed to deduce. Then with only a few he was certain of. And yet... Nothing.

Just... How?

He sighed and sat down on his favorite rolling chair. He was back in his apartment, finally, not in this sick hospital. His things were unmoved, his books were covered in dust, not used for too long. Not that he cared. The only devices he needed were his cell phone and computer.

Or so he thought till now. Because Izaya couldn't even ask anybody else about the information he was looking for, as nobody could have had that information if he doesn't. The irony of being the best is that you can't go ask for help to someone better.

He sighed again, lowering his head. For the first time in his live, Izaya didn't know what to do anymore.

* * *

Shizuo was working. That was pretty much about his live for the past few days. Ever since Izaya woke up, he was only working, eating, sleeping, and, most of the time, staring at the ceiling of his house.

Yet even Tom found out that something's off. Shizuo wasn't as violent as usual. He went on a rampage only once in the whole day, not that Tom minds it, of course. And he was slightly... As if daydreaming? Well, all in all, Tom was quite happy. He long ago learned to treasure these hours of peace, because he knew, he just knew, that they would never last too long. There would be some really stupid 'customer', or some careless driver, or, as the worst possibility, a certain someone could appear.

"Oooo... Shizu-chan! Long time no see!"

Crap. Speaking of the devil.

Izaya was coming slowly their way, his Cheashire smirk wide on his face. Tom would never say he was laying in the hospital these past few weeks. Well, he wouldn't say it anyway, because right now he was slightly stepping back, waiting for storm to come. The more he was surprised by what he saw.

Shizuo straightened slightly, his blue glasses hiding his eyes. He looked at Izaya, watching his smirk and crimson-red eyes, still, maybe just a little trembling.

"I told you not to come to Ikebukuro never again, damn flea. Are you dense?" he said, and everyone, including Tom and Izaya, suddenly formed perfect 'O's with their mouths. Nobody, nowhere, never heard Shizuo talking to Izaya in such an emotionless voice, so different from his usual beast-like roaring.

Izaya's smirk came back almost as quickly, though.

"Oya, oya, Shizu-chan, learned how to control yourself? I'm so proud, so proud~ And about Ikebukuro, you see, of course I wanted to see you~ Are you happy, Shizu-chan? Will you play with me a little?"

"If you wan't to play, go away and find yourself another toy. I'm not interested." The world seemed to frozen. Shizuo came to Tom, and took the list off of his hands, looking for the name of the next customer. He then gave the list back, and turn around, still ignoring the perplexed informant. "Let's go, Tom-san." he said, in the same, emotionless voice,

Izaya was still standing there, trying to find out what the hell had just happened. Was he dreaming, or what? All situation was now becoming really suspicious. First, he got himself drugged and beaten. Second, he woke up from the coma, called by somebody's words, touch and _kiss._ Somebody that cared for him, Izaya. Then, he, the God of information couldn't find that person. And at the very top of that madness, his favorite person to annoy was suddenly able to control his anger.

He just didn't get it. He didn't get any of it.

"Kasuka...!" Izaya spinned, hearing the blonde speaks again. He saw Shizuo actually being _hugged_ by another man, he remembered as beast's younger brother. He wes still close enough to hear the two talking.

"Kasuka, what's with that all of a sudden?"

"I heard that, brother. You stopped fighting. I'm glad."

Shizuo blushed, his eyes were like a molten gold when he took of his glasses, smiling slightly at his brother.

"Thanks. I'm happy, too." he said in gentle voice, when Kasuka untangled himself from him.

Izaya was looking at the two, eyes wide. Who would be thinking that the beast was able to act human and gentle for once?

_Spin, spin, spin._

He was upset.

_Spin, spin, spin._

He was thinking about all that has happened today. Beside all his fruitless searching for his dreamy-one, on whom he thought of giving up already, there was also that sudden humanity in the beast, which means Izaya would probably no longer have that fun in annoying him.

_Spin, spin, spin._

No surprise with his pitiful research, though. "A man that I know, gentle, kind and with some talk." you can really find a person with just that. He was feeling dumb just for hoping he ever could.

And Shizuo was getting on his nerve, too. Suddenly he found seeing such kindness in beast's behaviour distressing. To think that he could be kind, and gentle towards the ones he cared about, and at the same time so amusingly violent when he deals with someone he despises, such as Izaya himself. Oh well, at least till now...

Wait.

Was he really just thought that?

Izaya halted his thoughts and took them a little back. Then he just listened to his recorded mental speech.

" _To think that he could be kind, and gentle towards the ones he cared about..."_

" _...think that he could be kind, and gentle towards the ones..."_

" _...he could be kind, and gentle towards..."_

" _...kind, and gentle..."_

Somebody he knows.

A man.

And one that has definitely started acting strange after his hospitalization on top of that.

Izaya sighed, trying to concentrate as all pieces suddenly fell on their places. He stopped his spinning and leaned back on the chair, trying his best not to lose the remaining sanity. As he finally spoke, addressing the empty room, he's said only two words.

"No. Way."


	6. Impossible

"...ah..."

This room was engulfed in darkness. Only through the window, colorful lights of the city were dancing on a motionless figure. Person on the bed was the source of these strange sounds, gasping and clenching his teeth as if from intense pleasure every now and then.

His lips were slightly parted, his raven hairs disheveled, his small body arched as if trying to catch some invisible caress.

Suddenly, he moved. Hands were clutching onto the sheets beneath, his legs were helplessly kicking the covers off of him. His lips parted more, and, barely audible, there were words.

"D-don't go... Please..."

* * *

He moaned, quietly, sadly. He knew full well that this dream is not going to last, it'd end in a minute, like it always do, leaving him alone, upset, and, yes, oh yes, extremely aroused.

His hands still were connected to him, lying in his own, single sized bed. He knew that. He wasn't just reaching, and giving a tentative caress to that body beneath him, body, that wasn't here, he knew, but, but... Oh, well.

That dreamy dance that was coming back every night as of late, started to look more familiar, more instinctual. He was touching, making sure that his hands had been in every place possible, in complete darkness, with his eyes closed, he was learning this body by heart.

Body of the one, to his own surprise, he was helplessly in love with.

He started with caressing that face, thin lips he knew only from quiet hours of hospital night, these eyes he never seen different than sarcastic and cruel. And then, he slipped his hands lower, replacing them with his lips, nipping softly on the sensitive skin of the other man's neck.

He could feel the dream ends. He panicked. No, no, please, not yet. Just a second, a minute, just a little... He felt the other's words of plea and tried to answer, to ensure him that he want this as much, or even more than him, but he just _can't..._

And then, he woke up.

* * *

And then, he woke up.

Izaya was scanning his surroundings, the look of lost and despair quickly replaced by fury on his face. Again. He was doing it again. How long have it been? A week? Ever since he found out just _who_ was his beloved one, who was visiting him in hospital, and kissing him even, he started to have those dreams. In them, he was no longer engulfed in darkness, but in light, and he could see and feel with icy clarity. And, much to his well masked despair, the dream would always end too quickly. He would only be able to kiss, maybe caress a little. Well, despite the fact that usually he was the one being caressed. Skillfully on top of that; his morning state was more than a needed prove to say that caress he was getting from this dream was _really_ skillful.

He groaned, going out of the bed and heading for shower. It was five o'clock in the morning. He used to wake up at such an hour, but now it was due to his dreams, and he knew that. He knew, and it pissed him off to no ends.

Because his beloved one, the only person he wanted to touch, hold, talk to, was his arch nemesis, Heiwajima Shizuo.

* * *

Shizuo sat up on his bed, annoyed, looking at the front of his sleeping pants. Again. Oh, Gods that was really becoming worse and worse. And the dreams were becoming shorter, too.

He knew from the start that there is no point in starting to care for Izaya. But, an idiot he were, he not only started to care, no. He started to freakin' love his enemy. Shizuo was so pissed off of himself, he nearly wanted to leave that useless body of his and give it a really good kick. How could he be so stupid? Just how?

If it were to be just about loving, that'd be fine. But his relationship worked only when Izaya was in coma, and now, as he was awake, Shizuo couldn't even keep watching him. Because the informant hated him as usual, just as he had predicted. He proved him right last week, when they met for the first time and Izaya started his teasing.

And thus, he started to have those dreams. They would be short and vanish soon after he would dare to feel happiness from touching his beloved, even if just in a dream. And, always, always he would wake up angry, annoyed, and with something to deal with first thing in the morning.

But he couldn't do anything about it, he knew that, and that was the most annoying part. It's not like he could go and confess, unless he wanted whole Ikebukuro to laugh at him, when he would be rejected and brokenhearted. The beast of Ikebukuro was in love! With a man! And with Orihara Izaya on top of that! Isn't it just ridiculous?

Shizuo sighed, hiding his face in his hands.

"Why?" he said quietly, addressing an empty room, "Why does it have to be you, Izaya?"

* * *

Izaya was trying to concentrate. He finished his work early today, so there was not much left to do, beside eating some ootoro (he still haven't used all of discount leaflets he got in a hospital) and constantly avoiding any thoughts of Shizuo. He realized that he was calling his Shizu-chan by whole name for some time now. Was it because he knew full well how much he despises being called like that? And... Oh, damn. See? He thought of him again.

He sighed, trying to find a way out of this predicament. He would not last long, living like that. There were some options possible, of course.

First, kill Shizuo and thus have nothing more to worry about. But, he had a sneaking suspicion that his useless mind is going to think and regret more than ever after something like that, so it won't do.

Second, find another place to live and work. But, moving means he would lost all he had worked so hard to get. His contacts, his status, his silly little humans. And he really wondered if it would help anyway.

Third... That would be 'confess'. It's not like it's not possible to confess to the beast, if he would only manage to stay alive long enough to say his confession out loud. What's impossible is the positive answer from Shizuo. There is no way in hell he feels the same. So, he would end up hurt and probably laughed at. Damn. Damn. Damn it all.

And on top of that, all this situation was Shizuo's fault! He was the one who started, wasn't he?

* * *

It's all Izaya's fault! He must have planned it; there is no other option. To look so vulnerable and beautiful when asleep, to make him fall... It's all his fault!

Shizuo sighed, adjusting his glasses. So, what was he doing here again?

Ah, yes, he thought with a sarcasm. I'm going to my _love's_ house.

He thought loud and hard about it, and came to the conclusion that it's an only option that makes sense. He would get hurt, yes, he would probably need to move from Ikebukuro, or Tokyo even, but he will finally be able to get it over with; that tie of a situation he was currently in.

Just go there, say what you've got to say, and come back. Simple as that.

He sighed once more, knowing full well that it's not going to be that simple at all. Ikebukuro never seemed so gray and gloomy before; crowd of colorless humans was drowning him, making it hard for him to breathe as he made his way to Izaya's apartment.

He was seeing the entrance already, when somebody, the one he came here for, went out. Izaya seemed quite nervous for some reason, angrily adjusting his jacket and looking around. And then, they saw each other.

For a long while, they were just staring at themselves, trying to figure out what to say or do. The one who broke the silence was Izaya.

"Could it be that you want something from me, Shizuooouuuuu-chan?" he asked, realizing his mistake, trying to cover it with his usual teasing.

"Kind of, you flea. I need some... information from you." Shizuo answered, trying to make his voice as emotionless as possible. Anyone who would listen to them would not be able to believe they were actually Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo, deathly enemies, anyway.

Informant was staring at him cautiously, almost scared. Finally, he said, "Actually, I wanted to have a word with you as well. Come in."

Once in Izaya's house, the silence continued. Neither of them knew how should he start, neither of them aware of other's confused expression.

"Izaya, I..." started the blonde, making clumsy move towards the smaller man. Izaya shook his head, interrupting him.

"No, Shi... Shizuo, if you want information, here's the charge. I wanted to ask you... Um... Were you by any chance... Visiting... me? In a hospital, I mean?"

Shizuo blushed, answering the question only with his looks. "Who told you that?"

"So... It really was you, then... I was... well, hard to say. I was in some kind of immobile state, but I was barely aware of my surroundings." Shizuo's blush deepened, and now it wasn't only him who's face was turning red. "But you... Your talk... I guess, if I had to say, I woke up thanks to you." said informant, averting his eyes, "because... I wanted to hear you... Clearly..."

Shizuo frozen. No, it was not real, it couldn't be real. Was that a... confession?

But, all these thoughts were simply vanished from his mind as, instead of answering, he pulled Izaya into a kiss, awkward, first one that they were both fully aware of. After the first shock, informant started responding, and what was once awkward and strange, now became a sweet, innocent declaration of love. They put all their feelings in that kiss. Their loneliness, their sadness, their longing for each other.

When the air became something really needed, they broke the kiss. Izaya was first to speak.

"Why? How is it possible... Do you feel the same? What is it in me you could have ever wanted?"

Shizuo responded with a smile, "No idea. I want just to know you. I want to kiss you so long I would be able to memorize every detail of your lips and tongue. I want to touch you and learn by heart every inch of your skin. I want you, Izaya. Don't ask me why."

"Never expected you to be that much of a silver tongue, Shizu-chan." answered Izaya in teasing voice. That was what he said, but, actually, he was really happy. So happy, he thought it have to be some kind of a dream.

"Shizuo. Call me by my whole name, Izaya. If you don't want to stay 'that damn flea' forever."

"And you don't want me to be damned anymore?"

"Well, I guess not." Shizuo looked at the man in his arms, drowning in these crimson pools, unable to contain his feelings anymore, "I love you."

Izaya stayed silent. He just snuggled closer to the blond, not being able to speak, trying to understand what he was saying. When they kissed again, he wasn't surprised he started to cry; his tears of happiness, of fear, were crossing their ways with Shizuo's own, and when the kiss became more tangled, Izaya was able to say just one word, breathing heavily aganist blonde's parted lips, their cheeks wet from liquid feelings.

" _Impossible."_

"Oh, yes, it is," answered Shizuo, holding him for a dear life.


	7. Light

The room was silent. Through a big window, the morning sun illuminated a bed, with two figures on it, snuggled together. One of the two men was asleep; his blond hair was a mess, under his eyes there were signs of a sleepless night. Right now, he was breathing peacefully, probably having a good dream. The other, who was awake, was enclosed in blonde's strong arms, watching him, his eyes filled with dreamy happiness. He was studying the blonde's features, wondering how long his eyelashes were, and how sweet his lips looked when he smiled slightly in his sleep.

He himself looked rather ragged, but pleased. His raven colored hair was also a mess, and his shining crimson red eyes were wide open. He sighed in content, and snuggled closer to the sleeping man, tangling his smaller body with his.

He would do everything for this moment to last forever.

With that thought, finally, tiredness won against his will to watch blonde, and he fell into a happy dream.

* * *

Izaya woke up to Shizuo's lips. Said blonde was leaning over him, smiling gently.

"Wake up, Izaya. I've got to go, but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. I'll be back in the evening, fair enough?"

Izaya frowned. Evening? Well, he's got some work to do, too, but... He sighed. "Ok, but if that's the case, bring some supper with you. As a punishment."

Shizuo smiled, knowing full well that the informant, who at the moment was averting his eyes, would like him to stay. He would like it, too. But Tom is waiting for him, and he would probably send Celty if Shizuo was late. And somehow, he didn't like the idea of others finding out about ... well, the relationship he was in right now with Izaya.

"Understood. I'll be going, then. Shower. Eat."

And, before Izaya could even respond, he was gone. The raven haired male stood, heading for the bathroom, letting out another sigh. Yes, he knew full well he was currently acting childish. But that didn't help the fact he wanted Shizuo just for himself. When he came out of the bathroom and went to lock the door after the blonde had left, and was surprised to find his lover on the other side.

"Nah, I couldn't just leave like that," he said, pulling startled Izaya into a kiss

"I love you."

"Love you, too. Now, off to work!" he said with a smile, giving Shizuo his keys. "You should have these."

"Thanks see you then."

Izaya smiled again, shaking his head. He hasn't ever felt this happy in his 23 years of life, even if he was forever 21. And, maybe, he thought, touching his lips, maybe he can get used to it.

Normal life. With Shizuo, coming back from work, to his house, to him. Every day, just living like that. They would go on dates occasionally, make surprises for each other, and maybe even move in to one's house. Together. They would do everything lovers should do. And more. Izaya was certain there was an unlimited list of things one could do with somebody they love. He is going to live like that, for the first time in his life. And he would never, ever let Shizuo go from his arms.

Never.

* * *

Shizuo sighed. They were nearly at the end of the Tom's list, and thank God for that. He just couldn't get angry. Thanks to that, his work was getting rather difficult.

"Ok, Shizuo-kun, one more person and you're free. This one's going to be hard, though. Guy's got a really big receipt, and is bad-tempered."

"Understood, Tom-san."

Tom smiled. He really liked working with Shizuo. He was not very talkative and really short-tempered, sure, but he was also the best partner he had so far. It was really surprising at first, how he could be so strong, and at the same time, hating violence so much. How he talked, when he was at ease, with such a warm expression on his face. Shizuo was a really good friend, too. He would do everything for ones he cares about.

"Brother!" Tom's musings were interrupted with certain emotionless actor, coming their way.

"Yo, Kasuka," Shizuo said with a smile. "What's up?"

"I'm fine. I've got a one-hour-break right now. Can I hang out with you? Since we don't often got time to talk..." Kasuka asked with a blank look on his face.

"Fine by me," said Shizuo. He was actually happy he met his brother. He was the only one person he could be himself at all times. Well, he used to be the only one, at least. "I've got just one more client, and I'm free after that. Tom-san?"

"If only famous Kasuka-kun would be alright with that... But I guess your older brother wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"Let's go, then."

The three men went down the main street of Ikebukuro, unaware of a presence of somebody they were looking for right now. Somebody, whose shadow was slightly weird right now, making an outline of the hidden gun on the gray pavement.

* * *

Izaya didn't want to end his work. He knew full well, as the shadows became longer on his desk, that as soon as he finished, he would have nothing to do anymore and would just be wandering around the house without any sense, waiting for his beloved to come back.

Beloved... Izaya smiled gently to himself, putting another document on the desk. How warm and precious that word sounded. He also realized that his mind, for so long had been filled with darkness and cruelty, now became engulfed with amber-like golden light, happy and relieved. He felt as if some great burden was lifted from his shoulders.

He sighed with content, reading the last file. Well, he should probably do some cleaning right now. The bedroom desperately needed his attention after last night, though he blushed slightly at that thought. And maybe he should do some shopping, too. Shizuo will probably forget to bring some clothes with him, and Izaya really was getting irritated with him always wearing bartender outfit. He could always just buy him some T-shirts and pants, and show him in the morning, as new clothes are always better than old ones, right?

When he headed out after cleaning the entire apartment, wondering what to buy for his love, his ringtone startled him.

"Yes?" he answered

"Yo, Izaya." said the person on the other side of the line, in a gentle, warm voice that he hadn't known not for long, but already started to love.

"Shizuo! Heading home from work? Don't forget ootoro, or I will not let you in." smiled Izaya at the phone.

"Oi, you said dinner, not ootoro. And I've got just one more 'client', then I'll go and talk with Kasuka a little, but I should be back in two hours max."

Izaya sighed. Why the-oh-so-loved-younger-brother-Kasuka had to make his appearance? "Ok, ok. I'm heading for town right now, but, well, you've got keys. See you soon."

"Ok. Izaya?"

"Mm?"

"I love you." came a whisper.

Izaya couldn't help but smile. "I love you too. Oh, Shizuo, wait! What's your favorite color?"

He could hear Shizuo chuckled at that question, "Never thought of that. Black and white, but apart from that, I guess... Blue? And gold maybe... Why?"

"Oh, no reason. So, I'll be waiting for you."

"See you. I'll be back soon."

The talk ended with that. As Izaya was heading for the shop, he thought, that his life right now was just perfect. But, one thing he didn't think of was, that it was in fact too perfect to last.


	8. In my dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just decided I don't really like this story. It's so old and I feel like I literally could not write back then :P Ah, well. I hope some of you at least enjoyed it!

It was midnight. Izaya woken up from his position on a desk. He looked at a blurry image of his surroundings. How did he get here? Oh, yes. He was out for some shopping, went back home, and waited for Shizuo, and then he must have fallen asleep... Wait. Shizuo?

Raven haired stood up and looked around the house. It looked dark, and empty, as it always did before, but now that look distressed him. "Shizuo?" he called askingly. Nobody's answered. Izaya looked at the time. Strange. Shizuo told him earlier that he's going to be here just after he's finished with that another 'client'. And some talk with younger brother was involved after that, but still... And about that, Izaya was getting quite annoyed about Shizuo's beloved younger brother. Heiwajima Kasuka was famous actor with eternal poker face, cold, quiet and ever composed, an absolute contrary to his brother. Yet he cared for Shizuo very, very much, nearly as much as Shizuo cared for him. Izaya was trying to cover the fact that was why he was so jealous. Childish as it was, Kasuka should be told as soon as possible, that starting yesterday's evening, Shizuo was entirely his. Izaya's. Even though, he had an uneasy feeling, that he didn't know absolutely and for sure who, Izaya or Kasuka, was the one that Shizuo loved more. Like... he was sure his beloved would do anything to protect him, for example, but the same goes for Kasuka. Oh no. Izaya's eyes widened. No, nothing could... happened to him... right?

No. Easy, boy. Calm down. We should just first check this out. You're the God of information for Heaven's sake. Raven-haired man started computer with a nervous 'click'.

Information. Where? Ikebukuro. What? Accident of any type. Time? Let's say... past four hours.

T-there is! There was somebody shoot on the Shizuo's working territory. No writing who it was. Nervous, Izaya went to the Dollars website.

**-Kanra logged in-**

_-Hey, did you know? They're saying that somebody was shoot just while ago._

\- Do you know who it was?

_-Nope..._

-I know. My friend was out there just then, and he said he saw head of Heiwajima Shizuo in the ambulance!

_-Heiwajima Shizuo? Impossible, he's too strong for something like that, right?_

-Yes, but you know what they're saying... Strength can't win against the bullet, right?

-Are you sure about that? - Izaya's hands were trembling. It couldn't be true, but...

-I think so. They took him to the nearest hospital, the one where Orihara Izaya was. It's kind of ironic...

**-Kanra logged out-**

Izaya ran. The city was engulfing him, drowning him in its, meaningless at the moment, life. Crowd of colorless, anonymous people made him a path, lazily looking at the running man, disappearing from their sight in a blink of an eye. He never run so fast and so desperately in his life. He wasn't thinking of these of people, staring at him, nor about all these things called traffic rules or his body's ridiculous need for oxygen. He ran. Endlessly, helplessly, to know, to make sure with his own eyes if shadow he didn't mind seeing in other's lives is going to stretch through his own.

With every move he made, with every thought his exhausted mind could grasp to, he found himself falling down, and down into empty, familiar darkness. His light is going to be taken from him. He will be alone again, enclosed in lonely, deserted place, much more despicable now, when he found out what it is to live in a happy dream, to love and be loved back.

He would lose everything.

He ran.

* * *

The hospital was quiet at night. Dull-lighted corridors empty, when there were only permanent patients, sleeping, exhausted, in their beds, and few others, drunk, cut or eventually shoot (we're talking about Ikebukuro here), and doctors. It was quiet, and peaceful like death itself. And often, until the dawn breaks, it had the death inside.

There was a shadowy silhouette stumbling through empty halls, breathing hard. He came to the hospital, asked where recent accident's victim is roomed, and tried his best to keep calm. Nurse seemed nervous when talking with him, as if she wasn't sure if he would be able to visit anyone. Or so he told to himself.

Ten rooms left. He could always go back. Wait. Try to forget, but live with the last sliver of hope still lingering in the bottom of his heart.

No. there isn't going to be any hope for him. He wouldn't have any heart for it to be.

Five rooms left. He could make out a light, falling from the doors he was going to. Are you there, Shizuo, my fragile dream? Are you there, laying, pale and dying, on bed, just one day after I finally was able to call you mine, and mine only? Will I find you here, unconscious, not aware of my heart being broken to pieces?

Izaya finally made it to the door. He pushed them hesitantly, not sure if he really wants to see what is inside. And then he went in the room, as quietly as he could.

The image he saw nearly made him faint.

There were two people in the room, one of them lying unconscious on the bed with all kinds of medical machinery around him, clearly the shooting victim. The second one was sitting in a chair, a few meters from the bed, and suddenly stood up in surprise.

Izaya groaned slightly and stumbled, suddenly feeling dizzy. Shizuo, as he was the person sitting on the chair, jumped up quickly and ran to his side, holding him straight.

"Izaya?" came surprised voice. "What are you doing here? Are you alright?"

Izaya shook his head, fighting back tears. All of the emotions he felt came, buzzing into his head, as he answered, trembling, "I came... as soon as I heard there was some incident in your work territory. There was a gossip you were..." he couldn't finish as well, as he couldn't stop tears anymore. Oh, a relief he felt!

Shizuo sighed, hugging him tightly, "I was calling you. And sanding messages. Tom was shot during our last collection. I had to stay with him a little."

Izaya hid his face in the crook of the blonde's neck.

"I thought I was going to lose you!" the ravenette cried

"You won't," came a whisper.

"But..."

"Izaya. I'll never leave you. I will never let you go." Izaya looked at him, only to find Shizuo's lips on his own, wet from tears.

"Because, even in my dreams, I'm nothing without you."


End file.
